I haven't been doing much lately--I had to cancel plans to go to a concert because of a health issue--but I have certainly had quite a series of odd dreams. I have had everything from missing-defibrillator dreams to a dream in which I was visited by a friend of mine (who is dead), and we sat in her living room as water poured in and acted like a surf at our feet. Then there was the dream in which I moved to Colorado, and my mother and little brother (I don't have a little brother, btw) decided to move in with me. Dad wasn't in that dream. Sorry Dad!

But my most jarring dream was one in which I participated in an exorcism. I mean that I was the person who brought the evil spirit out of the person who was possessed.

This was exceedingly odd and disturbing to me, as I find the concept of "Satan" and "ultimate evil" to be very frightning. I am not necessarily afraid of evil or what evil (or evil spirits) can do to me. It's more like the concept of evil, or doing great harm, is frightening to me. For example, when the World Trade Center was attacked in 2001, I didn't feel fear for myself. I felt fear at the idea that there could be so much hate in a person (in this case persons) that they would commit such a monstrous crime against innocent people. It took me months to feel "normal" again, partly because it was necessary to redefine "normal" in my life.

In the last couple of years in my life, I have had to face some very tough times. For instance, the friend who I referred to earlier died by her own hand. I have had other losses as well, and several health challenges. More significantly, I have experienced the apathetic, unethical, and even harmful behavior of others in various situations in my life. Suddenly evil is more than a concept, or a word in a news story.

In addition to that, I have begun to explore my own anger and aggression. I began to take self defense classes, and am currently enrolled in a Karate class. This has enabled me to have more confidence in facing those around me who are acting badly, so to speak. It isn't that I will become aggressive at the first sign of an insult. But my classes, and my own exploration of anger (or as one of my spiritual teachers puts it: spiritual rage) have freed me to feel more confident to face the darker aspects of life on this planet without so much fear.

There is also a correlation between facing the not-so-nice parts of myself and not being afraid to see those aspects of other people. We all have the potential to be either Gandhi or Hitler. Some of us lean to one or another side of that spectrum; most of us fall in the middle somewhere. But to me, in this world in which there is so much war and hate, it is important to face evil without fear, and acknowledge it, whether it be a potential in my own consiousness, or a reality faced in someone else.

My spiritual teacher had this to say about spiritual rage and anger: Anger is the emotion that you get, for instance, when you accidentally pound your thumb with a hammer. Spiritual rage is more like a call to action: it occurs when you see injustice or evil, and you vow to put an end to it.

So maybe that is the meaning of my dream. If I am able to face evil, or darkness, or whatever you want to call it, both within and without, I am much more empowered to find a way to stop it, or (as an exorcism implies to me) to heal the effects of it.

I am hoping this makes some sense. I have a hard time putting these concepts into words.