Bleh--A Movie Review

I did something that I have never done in my life last night: I walked out of a movie because it was that bad. I am part of a group of people who get together almost weekly to see movies, plays, or whatever else looks good. I have missed their get-togethers many times because of work/school obligations, but I was free last night, and decided to see the Movie Of the Week with them. Well...

I had seen a few trailers for this movie: Eastern Promises. I didn't pay much attention to what it was all about; it just looked like another action movie to me. I thought, well, action movie, I love those, Viggo Mortenson has a part in it, he's a good actor and fairly good looking, how bad could it be??

Well, I found out. The movie, or at least the part of it that I saw, was focused on the Russian mob. Now, I have to admit that it might have been at least a decent movie, but anyone who knows my movie preferences will know that I will never knowingly go to a movie about the mob, mafia, or whatever they are calling themselves these days. I have never seen any of the Godfather movies, and if my television accidentally ends up on the channel that is playing reruns of The Sopranos, I will quickly switch the station or shut the TV off. I don't care how good the movie is. I think there is enough injustice, pain and violence in this world that I don't need to waste my time watching anything that focuses on a group of people who make breaking the law and viciously killing people their main business in life.

Anyway, for my $8.50 (or whatever the cost is--The Movie Group goes to a restaurant that has a dinner/movie special), I got to see people's throats being slashed, a mob guy (played by Viggo Mortenson, BTW) cutting off a dead guy's fingers and pulling out his (the dead guy's, not Viggo's) teeth so he wouldn't be identified, graphic sex with a member of the boss's "stable" as a rite of passage, more throats being slashed...you get the idea.

The pacing was also rather slow, so I vacillated between wanting to throw up and wanting to go to sleep. Also, Viggo's wardrobe was (unintentionally, I assume) hilarious. Black trenchcoat, black suit, black sunglasses...he might have just worn a big sign that said, "Hey! I'm in the Russian Mafia!"

If anyone is actually reading this (heh) and is wondering why I can love action flicks but hate mob movies, it's because in general, action movies have either a ridiculous plot or some good guy who saves the day at the end. I go to movies to see fiction, not another reminder of the many ways that we can be vicious to one another.

Since I work in a large hospital that sees quite a bit of traffic from area prisons, one might wonder why I would find mob movies so objectionable. But most of the prisoners that I met in the course of my career were basically people who had made bad decisions and/or were addicted to drugs or alcohol. If any of them cut off fingers for a living, they weren't telling me about it.

I remember one guy who confided in me that he had quit drinking the last time he was in jail. I "high-fived" and congratulated him. Gotta celebrate those small triumphs in people's lives when they don't have much to look forward to. Anyway, I'll take my crack dealers, jailbirds, wacky homeless people, etc. over calculating mobsters any day.