Heartbreak

I suppose I could have come up with a less cliched title than "heartbreak," but that is the only thing that comes to mind at the moment. I have made references in my blogs to a man who I thought unceremoniously dumped me. I received an email from him, sent to everyone in his mailbox (apparently he didn't bother to delete my email from his address book) that indicated he was moving to Florida, and he would forward information on his new whereabouts to anyone who was interested.

I was shocked and upset when I read this email. I replied to it, asking whether he seriously wanted to stay in contact with me or was this some sort of sick joke on his part, and then I decided to call him. I was sick of this inclusion/ignore thing he had going on.

So I was in the middle of leaving a message requesting that he either contact me to tell me what I had done to alienate him (I truly valued his friendship, even if we could not have a viable long-distance relationship that was beyond friendship), or to remove my information from his address book.

To my surprise, he called back. He told me that I had been the one to end the relationship, saying that I had told him not to bother with it anymore. I had only told him not to bother with walking me to my car, as I was really angry with him at the time. He apparently took this to mean that he should not bother with any part of the relationship, that it was over. I reminded him of the times that I had attempted to apologize to him (that were ignored), and said that I had friends all over the world, and distance didn't mean anything to me as far as friends were concerned. I was in the middle of saying, "I'm sorry I'm not perfect, but..." when I got that electronic message that I had been disconnected.

A bit later I called him back, and basically left a message telling him how much I cared about him, and I have friends all over the world, and it didn't matter to me whether he was living near to me, in another state, or even in another country--I would still care about him. Of course, he didn't answer the telephone, and I left him a message with little hope that he would take the time to listen to it.

My pain about this situation goes far beyond the hurt of losing someone who I love. I have lived 42 years on this planet, and I still can't understand why people--ordinarily caring people--can be so callous. So if the person who I thought I knew, and still care about reads this, I hope you are able to accept the love that I am sending you. I love you as a friend, and as another being who struggles with all of the joy and sorrow on this planet.

Namaste, Willow